being adopted.

legacy of an adopted child:
once there were two woman, who never knew each other.
one you do not remember, the other you call mother.


two different lives, shaped to make yours one.
one became your guiding star, the other became your sun.


the first gave you life and the other taught you to live it.
the first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.


one gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
one gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.


one gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
one saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears. 


one gave you up, it was all she could do.
the other prayed for a child, and god led her straight to you.


and now you ask me through your tears, 
the age old question through the years-


heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
neither, my darling, neither. just two different kinds of love. 

this poem was given to me by my mom, who received it from my birth mother when i was just a newborn. i was having a hard time coming up with the right words to start this entry so, after going through my adoption folder and finding this beautiful poem, i knew these words were the perfect fit.

after many hours spent doing research, my mom sat me down with collin & jude and told us the news- that she had finally found my birth mother. sitting in my parents kitchen and hearing those long awaited words, will be a memory i will never forget. in an instant, i went from knowing nothing about her to just about everything. as you can imagine it was very surreal, the feeling is beyond description. i've always wondered where i would be in life when i received this news, and now i know that having collin and jude by my side was how it was meant to be.

her name is jen and she has a beautiful family. a husband, one son and two girls. (yup, i have three half siblings!) they have a lovely home in alpine, utah. yup you read that right, alpine! for those who don't know, collins parents live in alpine. we are up there about twice a week dropping jude off at their house, which is about a two minute drive from jen's! small world, isn't it?

its been about three weeks since we found everything out and since then, i have met jen and her family. meeting jen, seeing her for the first time is a memory that will never leave me. i've never been more anxious, nervous and excited all at the same time. talking to her, hearing her side of everything, hearing about my late birth father, it answered so many questions i've had. this whole experience has a very special place in my heart.

i cant express how grateful i am for this whole experience to be going so well. i'm very aware that not every adoption story gets a happy ending, so for mine to have one, is a huge blessing. i've seen the experience my sister has had with meeting her family, and it was just as wonderful. my mom always tells us, its just more people brought into our lives to love us. mom and dad, i want to thank you for all you have done, for the hours spend searching for jen. for the selfless love you have shown throughout my life. for bringing more people into our family to love.