Monday, January 23, 2012

being adopted.

legacy of an adopted child:
once there were two woman, who never knew each other.
one you do not remember, the other you call mother.

two different lives, shaped to make yours one.
one became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

the first gave you life and the other taught you to live it.
the first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.

one gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
one gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.

one gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
one saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears. 

one gave you up, it was all she could do.
the other prayed for a child, and god led her straight to you.

and now you ask me through your tears, 
the age old question through the years-

heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
neither, my darling, neither. just two different kinds of love. 

this poem was given to me by my mom, who received it from my birth mother when i was just a newborn. i was having a hard time coming up with the right words to start this entry so, after going through my adoption folder and finding this beautiful poem, i knew these words were the perfect fit.

after many hours spent doing research, my mom sat me down with collin & jude and told us the news- that she had finally found my birth mother. sitting in my parents kitchen and hearing those long awaited words, will be a memory i will never forget. in an instant, i went from knowing nothing about her to just about everything. as you can imagine it was very surreal, the feeling is beyond description. i've always wondered where i would be in life when i received this news, and now i know that having collin and jude by my side was how it was meant to be.

her name is jen and she has a beautiful family. a husband, one son and two girls. (yup, i have three half siblings!) they have a lovely home in alpine, utah. yup you read that right, alpine! for those who don't know, collins parents live in alpine. we are up there about twice a week dropping jude off at their house, which is about a two minute drive from jen's! small world, isn't it?

its been about three weeks since we found everything out and since then, i have met jen and her family. meeting jen, seeing her for the first time is a memory that will never leave me. i've never been more anxious, nervous and excited all at the same time. talking to her, hearing her side of everything, hearing about my late birth father, it answered so many questions i've had. this whole experience has a very special place in my heart.
i cant express how grateful i am for this whole experience to be going so well. i'm very aware that not every adoption story gets a happy ending, so for mine to have one, is a huge blessing. i've seen the experience my sister has had with meeting her family, and it was just as wonderful. my mom always tells us, its just more people brought into our lives to love us. mom and dad, i want to thank you for all you have done, for the hours spend searching for jen. for the selfless love you have shown throughout my life. for bringing more people into our family to love.


  1. Ah, I cried reading this! We are planning to adopt our first child, and I don't really know anyone who has adopted or was adopted, so it was so great to read this! I love how your mom said it just brings more people in your life to love you. What a great story!!

  2. Thank you Jo! If you ever want to talk about adoption, I have plenty of experience! I think that is GREAT that you guys decided that. Call or email me anytime about it.. I would love to give advise :)

  3. Amazing! What a sweet poem, what an amazing gift... actually several amazing gifts. I 100% believe adoption is heaven-sent and beautiful. I am teary eyed and speechless.

  4. I cried too, what a beautiful poem! I'm so happy it was a great experience for you Lani!

  5. Lani, this was beautiful! I'm so glad I got to read this. I'm so happy for you. LOVE the poem. What an amazing story.

  6. This is an amazing post. We definitely got lucky with the parents we were given and with the birth families that we both have. It is so true that we just have more people for us to love and to love us also. We are so blessed!! I am so happy for the way that everything has turned out!! I can't wait to meet them! Love you.

  7. What a great story! Thanks for sharing it. We adopted our daughter almost 4 1/2 years ago. We have an open adoption and Olivia knows her birth mom. (And I know your birth mom! Jen's sister, Mindi, and I have been friends since we were 15.) Adoption truly does give us more people to love!

  8. Lani this is such a happy story, congrats hun!

  9. im so excited for you and your family and glad that it turned out the way you wanted.
    katie vaioleti

  10. Yup, I cried reading this. Is it the pregnancy hormones or the fact that I KNOW how many questions you had that were not answered until this happened? I am seriously so happy for you. That it worked out like it did. That Jen was selflessness enough to give you up for adoption and that your parents are who they are. I love all of you!

  11. What a beautiful and heartfelt poem that is. Thank you so much for sharing! I was also adopted and I've found it difficult to find artistic pieces that express the somewhat rare situation we find ourselves in. Wonderful that you've had such a good experience.

  12. It was very surreal reading this from the other side of the coin being Jen's brother. We have all wondered about you throughout the years as well and it is now great to know more about you. Maybe at some point in the future the rest of us can meet you as well and like you said, we can be blessed with more people to love and care about.

  13. Lani! Ever since I knew you from when you lived in Hawaii, I always wondered after seeing Trudi meet her birth mother and bringing her to our ward when you would have the opportunity to meet your birth mother. After reading this I feel soooo happy for you that you were finally able to meet her and to have your family by your side :) I love the Poem, thanks for sharing your story :)

  14. Oh Lani I have got Goose bumps. So beautiful!

  15. Lani, this made me tear. You are so amazing and will always be.

  16. PS. I am laughing now because remember when we got kicked out of science? :)