Word Vomit

I feel as though I have been posting mostly random things lately- crafts, lots of pictures, finds from the web and things like that but one of my greatest likes in life is writing. I wanted to be a writer of some sort back when I wrote a whole lot and I still could see my self doing that one day, but one day isn't for a while so until then I plan to just ramble here. And in my journal. And to Collin and Jude. Really, to who ever will listen to what I have to say. I work as a front desk agent at a hotel which means part of my job requirement is to be friendly and personable with people... That's my job. Isn't that the greatest. I get to hear peoples stories (some not as welcomed as others) and make sure everyone feels and is taken care of. That part I love, I have always felt as though my maternal instincts were more profound then most, even before I had Jude. I love taking care of people. Animals too. I used to want to be a veterinarian. I was pretty dead set on that career when I was in elementary but as time has told, that didn't happen. It would have been pretty awesome I'm sure. I was never really into Barbie as a kid, I always loved playing house/kitchen instead. Maternal instincts... again. I hate feeling disorganized and cluttered. It makes my edgy and not so fun to be around. I for some reason get in this mode where I have to clean and put everything in its proper place before I can relax and nothing else can distract me. Its like I'm a cleaning zombie. Scary. I haven't officially been diagnosed with OCD but if I don't have it, I would be utterly surprised. My whole life is organized. The way I put dishes in the dishwasher, the way things are arranged in my purse, diaper bag, and collins school bag, my candles (certain scents go next to each other because they are in the same category) shirts, shoes, pants, DVD's, jewelry, towels, make-up, paper files, you name it- its organized in its proper way and place. Cooking is something I would love to be great at but my lack of experience only puts me in the OK category. One day I will be great though. When I have my "real" home. I tend to say that a lot these days. My "real" home. Collin says it reminds him of his mom. But its true, when I feel completely set in a house, then I can call it our "real" home. The place I can experiment with design, the place our kids will grow up. I have always thought living in North Carolina would be pretty amazing. I don't know if that came from watching One Tree Hill or if I just really love the though of a little home town. I think both. One Tree Hill kinda changed my life. For those who might think that is silly, thats ok. I love the quotes, the music, the inspiration, the everything about that show. It made me feel like what I wrote in my journals would matter to someone, someday. And if they don't, it was nice to think so. I am an uber emotional person. I cry at the sight of an animal being run over. It wasn't easy growing up with a dad who's passion is hunting. I am proud to be a Libra because I feel the definition of a Libra is me to a T. I absolutely hate being late to things. I can't think of something that can change my mood more quickly then knowing I am going to be late. It bugs me. There is nothing worst. One reality I think I need to face, and soon, is that not everything on my "to do" lists are going to get done when I want them too. Time seems to be a lot different with a baby on board. I am super duper excited for every stage that Jude is going to soon go through. I especially cant wait till he can hug me back. Arts and crafts relax me, I love long hair, Native American prints are my favorite, I miss Hawaii and Hawaiian food, I eat egg rolls almost every single day (only the ones from Costco) on line shopping is the greatest evil I know, I love to save money (honest), RedBox is so cool, buying T.V series is my guilty pleasure, school supplies excites me, I throw things away because I have a fear of clutter, I absolutely hate shaving, I love the feeling of having a great conversation with someone, hotel stays are so much fun, driving now scares me knowing Jude is in the car, Jude's feet are the cutest thing in this whole world. I want many more boys, lots and lots of them. I am intrigued with them. I love my husband, we will probably always feel like newlyweds because thats just how we are and what we feel. Our son is our world and forever will be. There are no words to explain how highly we think of him and how much we adore him. I like to think I can help people or inspire people in someway, that something I do in this life means a great deal to someone with out me knowing it. I like to think that I am going to be a "cool" mom to Jude. And that he will think of me that way, always. I like to think my interests and desires are unique. That my goals and wishes for my life are attainable. I like to think this post will be read by someone other then me and Collin. If not, oh well I was able to do my venting for the day.